Austin’s best-known culinary riches lie in barbecue and breakfast tacos. In recent years, however, the city has grown into a secret haven for hamburger lovers; Cattle Crawl isThe A.V. Club ’s new quest to sample as many of those burgers as humanly possible. Ranking the offerings on our patented four-stomach scale, Cattle Crawl aims to separate the meat from the chaff. (Though, this being Austin, we’ll always give an equal shake to an eatery’s veggie options.) This week: a winning burger in danger of being overshadowed by a restaurant’s namesake dish.
At theTexas Chili Parlor, the name of the game is “unassuming.” Situated on a stretch of Lavaca that doesn’t see much foot traffic outside of recesses in legislative sessions, the “neighborhood bar without the neighborhood” is nonetheless a favored watering hole of government workers, Longhorns fanatics, and a clientele hooked on its wide chili selection and cheap beer prices. It’s not all stew meat and beans on the menu, though: Its name may indicate otherwise, but the Chili Parlor serves up a variety of burgers as well. And the one you’ll want isn’t the one slathered in the eatery’s signature Texas red—it’s the “No. 5,” a.k.a the “Guacamole Burger.”
Beef: A hearty patty with an elusive spice beneath the sizzle.
Fixin’s: Nowhere on the Chili Parlor’s menu is the guac put to better use than on this burger. Underneath the green-and-red Спрэд, lettuce, and a tomato slice, a mellow Swiss cheese melts into the patty. It’s just as well that the dairy is buried in vegetables—it’s the only dispensable aspect of the dish.
Overall taste: We’ve spent a lot of time on the guacamole, but one item does not a great burger make. The way the tanginess of the topping works with the meat makes this sandwich a winner. The seared-top bun adds a welcome, toasty texture, too.
Value: At $6.95, the guacamole burger is one of the most expensive selections on this part of the menu. But that $6.95 also gets you a choice of potato salad, pasta salad, potato chips, Fritos, or tortilla chips. The A.V. Club recommends the pasta salad. In addition to gibing with the Chili Parlor’s down-home charm, the zesty side is arguably the best take on pasta salad in all of Austin.
Intangibles: At the very least, the pasta salad makes up for the fact that you can’t pair any of the Chili Parlor’s burgers with french fries. Of course, given that the restaurant’s bar area is roughly 95 percent wood, it’s hard to blame the proprietors for eschewing the Fryolator. It’d be a damn shame to see all the curios hanging from the walls—including a still from Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof , shot partially at the Chili Parlor—go up in grease-fueled flames.
For the vegetarians: There’s no veggie burger here, either. As a substitution, Cattle Crawl’s herbivore correspondent recommends a combination plate with the sauteed vegetable tacos and (you guessed it) guacamole salad.
Near-perfect—if only it weren’t for that cheese.
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