Weird that the judges had nothing bad to say about J.R. Martinez’s Samba on Dancing With the Stars Season 13’s ‘80 Week, but they still couldn’t bring themselves to give him two 10s. He got one 10 and the top spot on the leaderboard for the first time since Week 1, but … judge Carrie Ann Inaba also gave J.R. the same score as Rob Kardashian. Fair?
We’re halfway through the season and it’s looking like a relay race out there, with Ricki Lake finally passing the baton back to J.R. after her three weeks at the top. Ricki and her Roger Rabbit moves dropped a few points on Week 5, but Carson Kressley is the one really livin’ on a prayer since he dropped down to a score of 19 for his Jive. The point spread is the same as last week — nine points between the top (J.R.) and the bottom (Carson). Will someone in the middle be the victim again? That does seem to be the trend.
Read on for a full recap of DWTS Season 13, Episode 5:
The Bangles launch the night: Susanna Hoffs is 52 years old, y’all. Seriously. She's still as gorgeous as she was in the 1980s. All of The Bangles remain beautiful. The show starts with the pros dancing to "Eternal Flame," then "Walk Like An Egyptian." The judges seem to have fun walking like Egyptians. In between the third and fourth routines of the night, The Bangles return to perform “Manic Monday.” Don’t you wish your bed was already made EVERY day, not just Monday?
BrookeWatch: Wowza. Brooke Burke-Charvet’s electric blue suit has shoulders wide enough to fly back to the ‘80s on their own. Someone is really taking the theme to heart.
Carrie Ann Inaba on what Hope Solo needs to do to improve: Carrie Ann said Hope is not afraid to give each dance her all. She’s the most athletic but not the most feminine of the celebs. Hope needs to focus on the movement and the music to bring out her sexy side. She needs a breakthrough dance, which could be tonight’s Tango.
1. Hope Solo & Maksim Chmerkovskiy — Tango to "Livin’ on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi — The Tango is about a love/hate relationship, which is perfect for these two. Maks says it’s really love/love … except for rehearsal time? She’s having trouble getting into character because she’s not an actress.
JUDGES: Len Goodman told Maks he did a good job because the Tango is about action and reaction, but Hope was too willowy. There was no strength to her. True. She’s the strongest one out there and she didn’t look fierce. However, Len liked the aggression and attack they put into the routine. Bruno said she got the full ‘80s superbitch down to a T. He called Kate Gosselin a superbitch from hell back on Season 10. That’s his idea of a compliment. But uh-oh. Bruno and Len start fighting over Hope’s strength in the dance. Carrie Ann took the middle ground. She thought Hope was strong and in character but it’s almost like she attacked it so hard that some of her lines got awkward. Okay...
Bruno on what Carson Kressley needs to do to improve: Carson is Mr. Personality. He’s managed to produce some of the most memorable moments of the season so far. But Carson needs to be tight, precise, and on the ball to be a winner.
2. Carson Kressley & Anna Trebunskaya — Jive to "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” by Wham! — Anna rightly says Carson is the entertainment this season and without him the show would be (deadly dull) less exciting. You can’t say his Jive isn’t bright and colorful. “Wake me up” is right.
JUDGES: Bruno said the routine was loopier than a Looney Tune. He squeezed so much wacky fun out of a really minimal Jive. “This is again a crowning achievement in madness.” Carrie Ann said it was definitely fun. Richard Simmons was envying his outfit from the audience, she said. However, it is Week 5 and he didn’t show much technique anywhere. Len said if he was judging with his heart, Carson would be back next week. But he has to judge with his brain and he doesn’t think that Jive was good enough.
SCORES: 6, 6, 7 = 19 out of 30. But who cares. Carson is so charming, he even gets the best out of Brooke. He and Anna are now fully embracing the “Vote for us despite our dancing” strategy.Vote for Team CarsonAnna: 1-800-868-3409
Len on what Nancy Grace needs to do to improve: Nancy is a hard worker and wears her heart on her sleeve. He loved her Quickstep. But he didn’t like how all she did was flash her skirt in her Paso Doble. He doesn’t want to see an older lady trying to look like some young floozy. (Ouch!)
3. Nancy Grace & Tristan MacManus — Rumba to "True" by Spandau Ballet — Tristan seems to be channeling James Dean this week. Apparently he’s a fan. Nancy was a cheerleader in the ‘80s and she did one of her cheers. It’s good! This is the most challenging dance, Nancy said. Tristan calls Nancy out on interrupting people. Fair enough. These two are ripe for a love/hate Tango, too. Nancy requests sex from Tristan but she’s going to have to take a number. Girl, the line’s behind us. Tristan gives Carrie Ann his classic tongue move at the start of the dance. Their chemistry actually works for this. It’s more interesting than their last dance and not raunchy, which would’ve been weird.
JUDGES: Carrie Ann said it was nice and appropriate but she wants to see real passion. She didn’t feel a connection to the dance. “They’re feeling a little on the drab side to me.” Len said it’s difficult to get that in a Rumba for a couple like Nancy & Tristan. It was simple but effective. There was an ease and elegance about the dance, although there were a few little unstable moments. Yes, this is a classic Len dance. Bruno also approved of the dance. “Don’t take my boy toy away, Carrie Ann.” Bruno thought it was sensual and sexy without being slutty. Bruno thought it was one of her best performances. (Agreed.)
Bruno on what J.R. Martinez needs to do to improve: J.R. is so consistent, Bruno said. There is some magic that seems to exude out of him. He doesn’t do anything wrong, he just needs the extra quality of movement and sharpness. Most men fail terribly at the Samba, Bruno said, because they force it and don’t stay on rhythm.
4. J.R. Martinez & Karina Smirnoff — Samba to "Conga" by Gloria Estefan — Karina kicked his butt this week in rehearsals because she wants to get past second place. They went to a club to get inspired by hip-shaking dancers. He seems to really be working his magic on the dance floor. Karina doesn’t let him just shuffle along as she does the moves. Judges, please reward this. The audience LOVES it.
JUDGES: Len said “Way to go, Jose!” Len didn’t expect anything like that. In the future if anyone asks how to dance the Samba he’ll say “Have a look at J.R.” Bruno said he was like a loin-shattering sex machine. Some of the women are going to throw themselves off the balconies he predicted. Bruno: “You had so much fire down below it was like a volcano.” Carrie Ann said it was muy caliente. She didn’t seem to swear on air, although she thought she did.
SCORES: 9, 9, 10 = 28 out of 30. Why didn’t they get two or even three 10s? They are still underscoring him. Ugh. What were they looking for? They didn’t mention any issues for him to work on to improve. Vote for Team Martinoff: 1-800-868-3410
Len on what Rob Kardashian needs to do to improve: Len likes that Rob is growing and moving his way up the leaderboard. This week he’s the leading man in the Rumba. Rob & Cheryl have great chemistry, Len said, and that’s one of the keys to the Rumba. He wants to see Rob in command. If he can do that, he’s a contender, not a pretender. Oh, Len. You do love your rhymes.
5. Rob Kardashian & Cheryl Burke — Rumba to "Hello" by Lionel Richie — Rob wants to be sexy like Val, Maks, and Derek. Not happening. And don’t forget Tristan, luv. Why does he sniff her in rehearsals? Romeo, who was on last season with Chelsie Hightower, came in to help Rob be sexy and make Cheryl want him. Just have Romeo do the dance this week. Outsource it. Rob may be making all the right moves, but the spirit of the dance isn’t translating from here.
JUDGES: Bruno was into it, though. He said we’re starting to see Rob the heartthrob. He’s finally seeing him use Cheryl as a partner instead of hiding behind her. Bruno said it was a great performance. Carrie Ann said he’s the tortoise making vast improvements every week. She called him strong and sexy and totally in control. Len interrupted Carrie Ann’s “sermon on the mount” by saying this dance is hard for guys. They have to be masculine and Rob pulled it off.
SCORES: 9, 8, 8 = 25 out of 30. Really? Seems high, Carrie Ann. That’s the same score J.R. got.Vote for Team CherBert: 1-800-868-3402
Carrie Ann on what Chaz Bono needs to do to improve: Carrie Ann said Chaz is fascinating to watch. He can make the whole room root for him. He came out of the gate strong, then got injured and lost his confidence. When Chaz gets it right, it’s remarkable. When he gets it wrong, it’s bad. He needs more movement and less walking.
6. Chaz Bono & Lacey Schwimmer — Samba to "Get Down On It" by Kool and the Gang — Chaz has the same dance as J.R. this week, so it should be interesting to see the comparison. Chaz’s shyness is a weakness for the Samba, since it involves shaking his butt. Lacey brought in her dad, Buddy Schwimmer, a big guy who isn’t afraid to shake his fun stuff.
JUDGES: Carrie Ann said it’s nice to see him going strong from last week. This is the most dancing he’s done, instead of shuffling around. Len said it was a gallant effort. The technique was lacking here and there but he gave it a go. Bruno said he got his buns going. “It was like a dribbling basketball.” And he was giving the wiggle. Len was offended to have Bruno in his face again. Bruno said it’s hard because Chaz followed J.R. “I’m not J.R., I know.”
SCORES: 7, 7, 7 = 21 out of 30. So it’s looking like Carson is going to be bottom-of-the-board again. Vote for Team Schwaz: 1-800-868-3412
Carrie Ann on what David needs to do to improve: Carrie Ann said David is a leading man who doesn’t know it yet. He’s too timid. If he can find balance in his dancing, look out. He doesn’t need to think so much on his face. If he’d stop thinking he’d be so much more enjoyable. Last week’s Paso Doble was his best dance and the Tango is the ballroom version of the Paso, so she expects a lot from him this week.
7. David Arquette & Kym Johnson — Tango to "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell — He spray-painted a Mirror Ball trophy in rehearsals! Things were clicking easier for him this week. But he doesn’t want to break hold in the routine out of fear of angering Len. Kym called him a goody two-shoes. He’s getting involved in all aspects of the dance. Is that annoying to Kym? Is he overstepping or is that helpful?
JUDGES: Len said he knows he’s the old fuddy-duddy and he could talk about the hold and whatnot, but he wanted to say that it had a great ‘80s feel. We’re at the halfway point. You have to either show up or shut up and he showed up. Bruno said it was a Tango with a rebel yell. He had the badass attitude of Billy Idol. Carrie Ann said it was fun and his hold improved but he needs to work on musicality. Len disagreed. They fought. Again. Tom broke in with some widsom: “Kids, kids — when we all talk at the same time, we hear nothing.”
8. Ricki Lake & Derek Hough — Foxtrot to "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins — Ricki ate her way through the ‘80s. She feels so much pressure now because she’s gotten the top scores for three weeks in a row. JOHN WATERS! John Waters comes in to talk Hairspray and give Ricki a pep talk. He’s the best. And the creepiest. But mostly the best. Decent dance but not her best.
JUDGES: Bruno said the dance didn’t gel and she lost timing. They did the Roger Rabbit and the running man and they didn’t need to. Derek said he made the mistake. Carrie Ann said they have a great partnership. Len said “No one likes funk like I do...” But it’s not a move that he appreciates in the Foxtrot. In addition to that, in the hold there was no body contact. It wasn’t her best dance but it wasn’t her worst. Did Derek take all these risks to get them off the top spot for once and alleviate some pressure? SCORES: 8, 8, 8 = 24 out of 30.
You can also vote for everyone online here at ABC’s official DWTS site.
It’s Broadway Week next week!
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