A couple of years ago, I was listening to a colleague express her frustration with her teenage son because he thought it was appropriate to text his friends during their family dinnertime. She ended her story by proclaiming that he will get a rude awakening when he enters the real world. I wondered that afternoon if her statement would be true -- would the "real" world actually expect more of him than she and her husband did? I doubt it.
As a music teacher, I often hear parents lament that their child doesn't practice enough or that he/she wants to quit band. When pressed about the cause of their child's desire to quit, the reasons almost always lack substance and merit. I always think to myself that if you want them to practice more or to stay in band, then make them do it -- you're the parent. However, a filter kicks in and prevents that thought from becoming words, regardless of how tactfully I could say them.
Customer service has sadly become abysmal. It's unfortunate that I get excited when I receive good service. Why has good service become the exception and not the rule? Because we don't insist on it. Is it too much to expect napkins with my meal when I use the drive-through? Apparently so at one restaurant I frequent, but I'm at fault because I've never expressed my displeasure to a manager.
The keynote speaker at a conference I recently attended stated that "rules are for people who can't think." And common sense is dead, I thought. Nearly every law enacted today is ridiculously long, and that is before the numerous regulations are written to enforce the law. These laws and regulations essentially have banned common sense from our world. The same can be said for user manuals. I don't have children, but I wouldn't need to be told that small parts are dangerous if swallowed. The superfluous amount of rules and regulations has not made the world perfect, nor has it protected us from ourselves, but it has diminished our sense of responsibility.
Colleges have experienced increased involvement from helicopter parents. An L.A. Times article I recently read said some parents have impersonated their child in phone calls seeking information from campus offices. Some professors tell of students who don't like their grade and want the professor to visit with the student's parents about it.
Many schools offer orientation sessions for parents to help them with the transition to college life for their child. For students to gain independence, schools should take a harder stance with intrusive parents, even if the parents are paying the tuition. The parents' issue is really with their child, not the school.
A "60 Minutes" piece from a few years ago articulated the many entitled expectations young workers possess. The piece detailed the growing chasm between young workers' expectations and those of their bosses. It went on to describe the large growth in consultants and coaches who tutor employers on how to treat the new generation of employees. Why not coach the employees on what's expected at work? After all, the employer still signs the paycheck.
Personal responsibility is greatly missing in our society. We're well aware of our rights, but those rights come with responsibilities. However, if we fail to insist that those we are accountable for learn and uphold their responsibilities, then we are the problem. We cannot expect someone else to do our job, whether it's a parent rearing a child, an educator teaching a student or an employer managing employees.
This erosion of personal responsibility didn't happen overnight. Parents often look to schools to do their dirty work; elementary schools look to the secondary level to introduce students to the real world; and the progression continues through college and into the work world. It's up to all of us to insist that those under our care meet the expectations laid out for them.
If we continue to expect someone else to do our job, then we may reach a tipping point we cannot come back from. That is if we haven't already.
Ryan Marsh teaches instrumental music for Malcolm Public Schools and lives in Lincoln.
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